


heartbeat

by emishii



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, F/F, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 17:43:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15394038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emishii/pseuds/emishii
Summary: It's like they're running around in circles. — Azula/Ty Lee. Two-shot.





	1. Chapter 1

It isn’t much of a secret, but she gets nightmares once in a while. The servants are ordered to keep their mouths shut; the princess has a reputation to keep, after all. That’s why nobody ever talks about it.

And these nightmares would usually result in smashed mirrors, broken glass, torn sheets, and fractured bones. Well, rarely the latter, but the princess still hurts herself from time to time.

Ty lee knows it, because she can hear her.

She hides it well, however, and would always arrive at breakfast with perfect makeup, perfect hair, and perfect attire the next morning. She is the definition of _perfection,_ the very symbol of beauty. Ty Lee knows that. She truly, _wholeheartedly_ believes that. Nothing can break her. _Nothing._

Ty Lee watches as Zuko and Mai eat at one end of the table, and Azula on the other end. On days where she wakes up with nightmares, the princess can barely hold the chopsticks in her hand without shaking. It makes Ty Lee’s heart clench.

Maybe she should do something.

.  
.

After breakfast, the princess trains, without stopping, all the way until noon. Her motions are always smooth and beautiful—almost like she’s dancing. If the princess dressed in blue, one may think that she is a water bender. But on days when she’s hurt herself, Ty Lee would see it in the princess’ expressions. She would see how the princess winces whenever she lands from a particularly high jump, and that her golden eyes would squint _just so_ when she moves a bit too fast.

On those days, Ty Lee would innocently suggest things so absurd that Mai would make clever remarks— _different every time—_ before retreating.

“Let’s see how many fire gummies we can stuff into our mouths before we puke!” is today’s suggestion.

A sigh, and then, “You do that, and I’m going to go contemplate on what is beyond stupid. Oh wait, life is. Then let me go contemplate on something that I hate. Oh, that’s everything, isn’t it?” and she disappears from the courtyard.

And when the sounds of Mai’s footsteps can no longer be heard, Ty Lee would jump into the midst of the princess’ training.

“Do you have a fascination with death?” is what Azula would say as she barely stops herself from blasting blue fire into the acrobat’s face.

Ty Lee doesn’t drop her serious expression, though. Her brows furrowed, she backs the princess up against a tree. The princess from five years ago would not have hesitated to fight back, but right now isn’t five years ago. Ty Lee reaches for the princess’ hand, gripping it in the slightest to see her reaction.

“…!” a soundless gasp.

She frowns. “You’re hurt.”

“It’s none of your concern.” Azula retorts so, _so_ nonchalantly, it makes Ty Lee’s heart clench.

But she refuses to lash out. Instead, she sighs and looks down at their joined hands. “Azula…” Ty Lee takes a step closer, her forehead now touching the taller girl’s shoulder. “Where does it hurt?”

“…”

She looks up and repeats the question, “Where does it hurt?”

And the princess pulls her hand away, silently returning to her training routine.

She returns to it, no matter how much it hurts.

And Ty Lee can’t help but to think—maybe she should do something.

.  
.

Then one day, she doesn’t show up for breakfast.

Ty Lee doesn’t recall hearing any smashing glass or screams from the night before, so why isn’t the princess here?

An uneasy Zuko looks to the corner of his eyes. “The servants say that she’s not feeling well this morning. She’s going to skip breakfast.”

Ty Lee understands— _yes,_ it’s difficult to accept Azula for all that she’s done. And, _yes,_ Zuko has done well enough for her, which is extremely difficult considering that he is the Fire Lord. He welcomed her back to the Fire Nation with open arms (literally; though the hug wasn’t reciprocated) even though the council members strongly advised against it; he even does his best to accommodate his sister’s needs despite her being eerily quiet most of the time. It’s hard. His little sister has gone from a power-hungry monster to one who shows no emotion.

Ty Lee understands—because she, too, does not know which of the two she fears more.

She needs to do something.

.  
.

So Ty Lee knocks on her door, and she isn’t exactly expecting anything more than a response. In fact, she doesn’t get one. So she simply pushes the door open to find— _relief—_ a clean, regal chamber of a princess. She steps through the threshold and isn’t exactly surprised to find Azula out of her bed, sitting at her vanity. She is still in her red and gold robe—a piece of garment that Ty Lee knows is the princess’ least constricting one. Approaching her carefully, she swallows.

“Azula?”

No response.

Ty Lee comes closer. She clears her throat and tries again, “Azu—” then she stops. She stops because she sees the princess’ reflection.

No makeup.

Her hair is down.

And without these trivial _decorations,_ the princess looks all but human. It’s not like Ty Lee’s never seen her without makeup. But right now, those dark circles under those lifeless golden eyes, chapped, pale lips, _tear stains_ don’t make her look so perfect anymore. Suddenly, the concept of perfection— _Ty Lee’s_ idea of perfection is erased. Because up until now, the only perfect being she has ever laid eyes on in the entire world is, what she believed, to be Azula.

It no longer is.

Her heart clenches again.

“… Please go away.”

 _Please._ Princess Azula of the Fire Nation actually said _please._ Not mockingly, not with sarcasm—but she was saying it with a voice that trembled.

Ty Lee balls her fists. “No.”

Azula closes her eyes and lowers her head. “Please.”

“No.” She repeats. Fighting the urge to shake, Ty Lee instead kneels down beside the princess and takes her trembling hand. It’s much colder than the last time she’s touched it, Ty Lee notes.

Their gazes lock.

“… I hate you.” Azula whispers.

She looks up, into the golden eyes that she’s always so fascinated with, seeking for a sign of threat, for anger—for a hint of a _spark._ But there is nothing. “I know,” Ty Lee responds.

“I should’ve killed you.”

Flashes of what happened five years ago at the Boiling Rock run across her mind. Ty Lee’s grip on the princess’ hands tightens. “But you didn’t.”

A pause.

Ty Lee looks up.

“I can do it now,” Azula gives an empty threat.

The cold hands Ty Lee is holding onto withdraw, and slowly, _with no will,_ those hands wrap around her neck. Ty Lee stays still, never breaking eye contact with the princess. The grip is soft, and like Azula’s eyes, lifeless. Ty Lee relaxes herself and lets her eyelids fall. She waits for Azula to kill her. She _welcomes_ it.

…

But the moment never comes.

Ty Lee opens her eyes. She feels Azula’s hands shake—like she’s trying to use strength, but the strength won’t come to her. So she watches as Azula concentrates. Her eyes quiver and her brows narrow with frustration, but she doesn’t explode.

The spark is gone.

Without thinking twice, Ty Lee reaches up to frame the princess’ face. Her warm palms contrast with the latter’s cold skin—like fire on ice. Azula does not react to her touch, which scares her greatly. Under her palms, she feels the princess’ cheekbones, the soft skin, though she is all but distracted by the emptiness in her eyes. 

Somewhere deep down, Ty Lee wants Azula to use strength. To dig her— _now—_ blunt nails into her skin.

She runs her hands down the princess’ neck—past her pulse, down to her shoulders. She peels the robe open slightly, revealing more of Azula’s collar bone— “Are you hurting?” Ty Lee repeats her question from a few days back as she spots a dangerous purplish-green bruise that spreads on the entirety of the princess’ right shoulder. It is especially defined—given how pale Azula’s skin has gotten.

“No,” Azula says, finally turning away. “I’m not.” She pulls her hands away from the acrobat’s neck.

Ty lee clenches her jaw. “Liar.” She buries her face in Azula’s chest, and turns to listen to her heartbeat.

The princess does not move. She simply watches in silence.

Ty lee knows that there are more bruises, scratches, and _cuts_ on her body. She knows that the armour Azula usually wears is too tight, and that it clenches at her body so securely it can be extremely painful at times (she knows, because they’ve played dress-up back in the day). That is why Azula isn’t changing. That is why she ‘isn’t feeling well’.

So when she wraps her arms around Azula’s waist, she is extra careful. When she turns her head to listen to Azula’s heartbeat, she is extra gentle. And when she speaks, she is extra quiet. “Are you tired?”

A sigh. That, Azula could answer. “Yes.”

Ty Lee’s ear is still against the princess’ chest, and Azula’s heartbeat is so soft, _so soft._ She can barely hear it. “… Then stop lying.”

Azula stiffens.

“For once in your life, please just stop lying.” Ty Lee holds her closer, her fingers now clasping onto Azula’s shoulder blades.

“… Lying…” Azula starts with a weak voice. She brings her hands up and looks at them briefly before placing them on the acrobat’s shoulders. “… is all I have left, Ty Lee.”

She listens to both Azula’s words and heartbeat, simultaneously. For some reason, she is getting more truth out of the latter.

“I can lie to myself that I am still Crown Princess,” she plays with the smaller girl’s braided ponytail, “… that I am still fourteen and am hunting for the Avatar,” she ups the girl’s face, tilting her head up. Their eyes meet, “… that Mai and _you_ are still by my side.”

“I’m here right now, aren’t I?” Ty Lee answers without thinking. “You don’t need to lie to yourself about it,” she takes Azula’s hand with her own and nuzzles her cheek against it. “I’m here.”

Azula responds by stroking Ty Lee’s cheek with her thumb.

There is this indescribable and inexplicit atmosphere that is starting to surround them. Neither one of the girls has experienced such a feeling. It is comfortable yet eerie, relaxing yet daunting, and above all else, it is so familiar yet so _foreign._ Ty Lee can vaguely remember having a feeling similar to this towards her first crush.

She used to think of said crush _constantly._

Her crush was a girl with golden eyes. She had the softest, _smoothest_ raven hair that always flowed with the wind as she ran. She was a bully and is (was) slightly sadistic, but she couldn’t help it. Thing is, that girl was surrounded by contradicting expectations from both her father and mother. Her father expected power and ruthlessness—and she delivered. Her mother expected compassion and kindness—and she tried; she really did. But why focus so hard on two things when she can excel with ease on just one? Why win the affection of two people when she really only needed acknowledgement from one? Why not be something that one of them _hates_ just to prove that she has the _capacity_?

_“My own mother thinks I am a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.”_

Lies.

She can do so much more.

But she’s a liar.

Poor, miserable, _pathetic_ little Azula.

When Ty Lee came to, she realizes that they are both panting. Their chests are heaving and their eyes are glazed. Their lips are a mere inch apart.

“Then lie to me,” Azula whispers. She moves in, and their lips meet.

It’s just a gentle brush, but the contact makes Ty Lee forget how to breathe.

“Lie that you want this,” she continues as she kisses along the acrobat’s jawline. “Lie that you won’t leave.”

Ty Lee is gasping. Her fingers shaking, she’s gripping _for her life_ onto the fabric of Azula’s robe.

Azula follows the sinews in her neck as she kisses downwards. She stops at the bump of Ty Lee’s throat and sucks on it gently. Then she moves back up to whisper against Ty Lee’s ear, “… Lie that you don’t hate me.”

She snaps her eyes open. Ty Lee pulls the princess up with force and backs her up to the bed—she falls on top of her and, taking advantage of her position, pins Azula down. “I want this,”—is the first thing Ty Lee says. “I’m not going to leave. I don’t hate you, and I…” she finds her voice shaking, “… I wish I can go back in time,”

Azula closes her eyes and Ty Lee leans in to kiss her. When she opens them again, she finds the girl above holding back tears.

“… I could have saved you from everything.”

The princess turns away.

Ty Lee mirrors Azula’s actions; she, too, follows the tendons in the princess’ neck and kisses down. Her fingers meanwhile begin to peel off that gold and red robe. Azula isn’t wearing anything underneath, and Ty Lee knows that once she pulls back, she will see all her wounds.

She doesn’t know if she’s ready, but she does it anyway.

“…”

Her eyes widen.

_No. please, no—_

“… why are you crying?” Azula asks with her eyes closed.

Yes, Ty Lee is sobbing. It isn’t because Azula’s body is beaten up. It isn’t because her skin is so disgustingly pale that it has this unhealthy, greenish hue to it; it isn’t because her ribcage is protruding out of her abdomen, and it isn’t even because there is still dried blood on the untended cuts and scratches on her arms, legs, and body.

It’s so silly.

She’s sobbing because Azula isn’t perfect.

“Please… stop crying.” Azula pleads, cupping the smaller girl’s cheek.

Again with the _please._ Ty Lee doesn’t know how long she can last like this. So she dives down and seals their lips together. She feels Azula’s cold touch slip down to her shoulder, and shudders when it moves lower—“ _Nn…_ ”—a moan escapes her throat when the princess stops at her breast. Ty Lee bites at her lower lip and arches into the touch; her taut stomach muscles contort as Azula trails her fingers past her exposed abdomen—down, down, _down—_ and they slip through the waistband of her skirt. Ty Lee scrunches her shoulders up and she buries her face into Azula’s neck. She is tense and Azula is lax. She is burning in Azula’s ice-cold fire and it’s killing her but she wants the princess to do so much more and to dig much, much deeper _so so so badly._

“Lie to me,” said princess repeats in a whisper. “What do you want?”

Ty Lee grinds her hips into Azula’s fingers. “I want you,” she gasps, breathless. “Please, Azula, I… I want you.”

The vibrations of the acrobat’s voice send shivers throughout her body. Sighing deeply, Azula rubs two fingers against Ty lee’s moist opening, coating her digits just enough before pushing them into her.

Ty Lee stiffens. She lets out a whine and feels her inner muscles clench as Azula plunges deeper. The princess is making such… such torturous motions—circling, twisting, _scissoring_ —and she’s barely adjusted. “A-Azu… la…” she pulls back so that their eyes can meet. There is a hidden, silent language that is somehow spoken when it happens. She is given permission to proceed, so Ty Lee leans forward to kiss her once more. Then she begins to roll her hips, and at the same time, she feels Azula accommodating her by following her rhythm.

It’s strange. Azula is giving her full control. As if she deserves it.

Through lidded eyes, Ty Lee sees the princess looking at her emotionlessly. And it’s borderline disturbing because this isn’t what she wants. _No—_ Ty Lee doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want Azula like this. It’s almost like she’s getting fucked by a ragdoll. It’s sickening. It’s gross. _Stop it._

“Make me come.” Ty Lee grunts under her breath.

Sharp grey eyes glare at dull, golden ones. Azula responds with a blank face. She flicks her thumb out and presses it _hard_ against the girl’s clit. And when Ty Lee moans her name over and over— _Azula Azula Azula—_ she all but stares. Even when Ty Lee writhes in pleasure above her, even when Ty Lee starts shaking, even when Ty Lee arches her back… and even when Ty Lee shatters, Azula only _stares._

 _It hurts,_ Ty Lee decides, that the princess isn’t showing any form of emotion. Not even a hint of that sadistic nature she once enjoyed delivering so much. It hurts because Azula is so unlike the Azula she used to be—that she is being so gentle and delicate and care and, _god damn it,_ Ty Lee wants to strangle her.

Azula’s fingers are still inside, and her muscles are still convulsing, contracting around them, but Ty Lee doesn’t care. She starts moving her hips, ignoring the overwhelming sense of pleasure that is bursting from her core, singeing every nerve of her lithe body. She bites her lip to contain herself. “Again.”

Azula obeys. Her fingers undulate within as her thumb swirls on Ty Lee’s hardened nub.

Said girl presses flush into the princess. She is careful not to rest on her bruised shoulder, so she finds herself an awkward position beside Azula’s head. Her moans and cries go directly into the princess’ ear, and knowing full well how shameless she is sounding, it is rather amazing how composed they both are. Azula, especially, is _still_ being so damn gentle. It’s like she doesn’t want to hurt her or something.

“Am I hurting you?” Azula suddenly asks.

Ty Lee’s eyes widen.

_“Lying… is all I have left, Ty Lee.”_

Azula touches a particularly sensitive spot.

She couldn’t answer—she’s coming again and the waves are washing from her centre up to her chest and she’s _burning—_

“ _Ah… A-Azula…!”_

The girl in question holds Ty Lee close. She lets the smaller girl scream into her neck.

Ty lee arches closer into the princess. Wrapping her arms around her, Ty lee digs her nails into Azula’s shoulder blades as she hangs her mouth open. She tries to scream, to say _something,_ but she can only whimper as her hips jerk well out of her control.

Yet she rides her strong, painful orgasm with ease, all because Azula is guiding her through it. She strokes her opening with a strength so tender it brings tears to Ty Lee’s eyes. Azula whispers sweet _nothings_ into her ear as she rubs her back, making Ty Lee hold the princess even closer.

“Did I hurt you?” Azula rephrases when Ty Lee finally stops panting.

“… No.” She answers, her voice muffled into the pillow they are resting on.

Azula nudges at Ty Lee’s chin, making the girl face her. Their eyes meet again for the _thousandth_ time in the past hour, yet it doesn’t feel any less spectacular, because there would always be a new twinkle, a new spark that would emerge if they looked close enough.

… but there is no spark in Azula’s golden eyes. Ty Lee moves lower and finds herself a comfortable spot on Azula’s chest. She tries to listen to her heartbeat. She tries to _find_ her heartbeat.

“Are you lying?” Azula continues.

Ty Lee finds it, but it’s soft and weak. And she can’t help but to think that maybe… _maybe_ she can’t do anything, after all.

“Yes.”

.  
.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_ba-dum_

_…_

_ba-dum_

_…_

_ba-dum_

_…_

Every night since that day, Ty Lee comes to listen to her heartbeat. She lets the princess do whatever she wants, and then she is allowed to rest her spent body on Azula. She doesn’t talk, and neither does the princess. The nights can go by without a single word being spoken (save the moans and cries of the princess’ name from her throat), and it soothes Ty Lee, somehow.

It’s okay at first.

Azula no longer gets those nightmares, and Ty Lee… _well,_ she gets to listen to the princess’ heartbeat.

It works.

Ty Lee closes her eyes and lets sleep consume her when she gets too tired to listen on.

…

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, she feels Azula’s arms wrap around her, hold her to her own body. It’s almost protective. Ty Lee snuggles closer for warmth, but it’s odd; Azula—the firebending-prodigy, Princess of the Fire Nation—her body is ice-cold. It’s always so cold.

Ty Lee’s heart clenches.

Sometimes, she feels as if she’s sleeping with a corpse.

.  
.

“What are you doing to yourself?”

Ty Lee avoids eye contact with her best friend. Mai isn’t yelling or anything, but the way she’s questioning her, _interrogating_ her as if she were a criminal, still hurts.

And Mai seems to know this, so she takes a deep breath before toning down. “Ty Lee, we don’t owe her anything. _You_ don’t owe her anything.” She rests a hand on the acrobat’s stiff shoulder. “You know that, right?”

She knows— _Ty Lee tells herself every night—_ of course she knows. She isn’t stupid.

.  
.

She isn’t stupid. Yet, here she is—

“A-Azula…!”

—underneath the princess, getting _fucked_ by the princess, and all she cares about is whether or not she can withstand her impending orgasm.

Because— _god damn it—_ Azula is so, so, _so…_

“Shh, shh…” the princess soothes… _so_ gently. She brushes the acrobat’s bangs away from her eyes with one hand, then leans in to kiss her eyelid. Azula does all these small, soft gestures as her other hand works just as tenderly; two fingers thrust at Ty Lee’s opening, and her thumb leaves feather-light brushes across the apex of the girl’s thighs.

Ty Lee circles her arms tighter around the princess’ neck. She needs her close. She _needs_ her. “Please… please… _Azula…!”_

“You’re okay,” the princess whispers into her ear, “I got you.” She kisses Ty Lee on the lips.

Again with the whispers of _nothing._

Azula fills her, again and again. Those slender fingers are knuckle-deep, and then they retract to the tip, then they come in again. Thrust, thrust, _thrust._ It feels good. It’s supposed to feel good. It’s _not_ supposed to feel good. Ty Lee hates that it feels so good. She bucks her hips upwards. She guides Azula, setting a pace she desires and the princess willingly follows.

It’s bliss, every single time. A dangerous, white-hot, blinding supernova of _everything_ Ty Lee’s dreamed of in her young life, bursts from her lower body up to her chest. It makes her heart race, it makes her body arch, it makes her scream the princess’ name.

It makes the princess hold her through the night.

Azula’s body is so cold. She’s like a corpse.

She rests on Azula’s chest. The princess’ heartbeat is like a lullaby to her.

But sometimes, when Azula’s so gentle, Ty Lee feels as if they’re making love.

.  
.

Ty Lee wakes up to a jolt beside her—Azula’s body is shaking and sweating and she’s gasping as her hands grip at the bed sheets so hard the rip apart. Ty Lee sits up to straddle the princess between her thighs. She pins her down with her body, and she really does think that the dream will pass, that it will only last for a few more minutes. If not, she will hold her for hours. It doesn’t matter; regardless of how long, Ty Lee knows that she will hold Azula until she calms down.

But things aren’t always so easy.

It lasts through dawn.

There are several occasions where Ty Lee thinks about hitting the princess’ pressure points to paralyze her. But then, there’s this voice in her head. It tells her—

_No. don’t do it._

“Azula.”

_Don’t hurt her._

—and Azula’s fingers dig into her back.

_Never again._

Ty Lee winces.

They are _digging_ into her back. Her blunt nails are leaving more than small, crescent marks. They’re sinking into her skin, scraping down, and her flesh is tearing apart and blood is streaming down her naked back, but Azula is still clawing at her. Yet, Ty Lee refuses to let go. She holds the princess even closer.

“Azula…” she whispers her name, again and again. “Azula.”

The princess whimpers. Her cold body continues to shake madly. She claws harder, _deeper._

Ty Lee bites her lip. “It’s okay,” she tries, “I-I’m here. I got you. I’m here.”

The words have no meaning. She knows she doesn’t mean them— _because she was told to lie—_ but she repeats them like a mantra. She says the words like she means them.

_It’s okay. I’m here. I got you. It’s okay. Azula. Azula. Azula…_

Ty Lee says it out loud. She repeats the words in her head. She bumps their foreheads together as she does so, and she is starting to believe in the words.

“Azula…”

Azula’s eyes open at last. Ty Lee realizes that tears are running down the princess’ cheeks, but then— _drip—_ one from the corner of her own eye drops onto Azula’s face, the droplet mingles with one of the princess’.

_It hurts._

“Ty Lee…”

Ty Lee smiles stupidly. Maybe that will lighten the mood. “Good morning, princess.”

Azula brings her hands to the acrobat’s face. The blood on her fingertips smear all over Ty Lee’s cheeks, and Azula’s eyes widen in horror. Her chests heaves unevenly and she starts to speak—“I-I…”

“Shh…” Ty Lee cuts in. she takes one of the princess’ hands away from her face and leans down to seal their lips together. “You’re okay,” she whispers as she plans more gentle kisses on Azula. “Everything is okay.”

Azula sits straight up while holding the girl in her arms. She sees the trails of blood running down the acrobat’s back and right away, she jumps out of bed—

“Get the waterbending healers!” she shouts to the hallway. Then she runs back to the girl. She holds Ty Lee’s naked body in her arms and grabs the bed sheets, pressing onto those gaping wounds. It almost seems as if the girl was attacked by a monster.

By a _monster._

Something with long, sharp claws.

A _monster._

Azula glances at her fingers with wide eyes. “I… I’m a—”

She’s cut off by a kiss. She knows—it’s forced, and Ty Lee is trying to stop her from finishing her sentence.

“You’re okay,” the girl whispers. “I got you.”

Azula responds by holding her tightly.

It’s cute. The princess is acting like a scared child. Ty Lee rests on her chest again—she figures that the sound of her heartbeat might work as a form of distraction from the stinging pain on her back. And it is. Because for once, Azula’s heartbeat isn’t soft; it’s heavy, racing, and Ty Lee realizes for the first time how warm Azula’s arms really are around her.

So, she looks up and smiles at her. “Azula, your heart is beating so fast.”

Azula doesn’t let go even when the healers come in.

.  
.

“… my mother,” Azula whispers all of a sudden.

Ty Lee lifts her head from the princess’ shoulder. The steaming water ripples around their bodies from the tiniest movements. “Hm?”

Azula runs her hand across the acrobat’s back. She’s healed, but the bumps of the claw marks still remain. “In my dream, she called me a monster.”

Ty Lee wraps her arms around Azula’s waist in the water. “When… _this_ happened?” she tenses a little, gesturing to her back.

“No,” the princess states, her voice low. “The day before _we_ happened.”

_Before we first fucked._

That explains the broken mirrors.

“…”

“The same dream, every night since then,” Azula pauses, “but on _this_ night,” she brushes against Ty Lee’s scars again, “She called me a _good girl._ ”

Ty Lee merely stares. She doesn’t know if she should ask. It’s never good news for Azula whenever ex-Fire Lady Ursa is involved. So Ty Lee snuggles closer. She watches contently as the steam rise from the water.

“I don’t even know if she called me that in the past,” she chuckles to herself. “Even my dreams are lying to me—playing jokes on me.”

The acrobat draws circles on the princess’ abdomen with her thumb. “You never liked jokes.”

“No.”

Ty Lee pulls away. She meets the princess’ gaze. “… You never liked lies, either.”

There is a long pause.

The condensation of the hot spring clings to the ceiling, and water drips from it, back into their little pool—tiny droplets of water is the only sound that echoes in the room. Azula clenches her jaw, and then she swallows.

Ty Lee watches every muscle, every nerve in her movements.

Then, finally—“No.”

And Ty Lee’s lips were on hers. She straddles the princess’ hips; she thrusts her tongue into the princess mouth. She pulls the princess’ head close and she doesn’t care if she gets burned to a crisp. Ty Lee knows what she wants.

“Azula,” she breathes between kisses, “I want you.” She kisses down the princess’ neck, “I’m not going to leave,” her fingers move to the underside of the princess’ breasts. They bump foreheads. “I don’t hate you, not one bit.” Ty Lee leans in, their lips brushing, “And I still want to save you from everything.”

Azula remains motionless, _emotionless._ “I don’t believe you.”

Ty Lee repositions herself; she kneels between the princess’ legs and pries them open with her knees. “Then let me show you.”

Still, Azula doesn’t move.

So Ty Lee kisses her again. She cups Azula’s breasts and kneads them gently, with the same strength Azula does to her night after night, and then she moves her lips down to the side of Azula’s neck, nibbling and sucking _just so_ that only small, faint, red marks would appear. She does everything so tenderly, so similar to Azula, she can’t help but to think—

“You don’t owe me anything, Ty Lee.”

—that maybe, just _maybe…_ Azula feels the same for her.

“I know,” she answers in a whisper, “… I know.”

They kiss.

She lets the princess wrap her legs around her when she pushes two fingers in, _exactly_ the way the princess did to her. Ty Lee swallows the moans and cries from the princess with deep kisses, and she whispers _everything_ into the princess’ ear as she comes.

“Azula,” she calls softly, “I got you. I’m here.”

The princess comes down from her climax as she holds onto the acrobat. She hides in the latter’s neck until she catches her breath, and when she does, she moves downwards to Ty Lee’s chest. Azula closes her eyes and listens.

Ty Lee smiles. She combs through the princess’ hair, watching the dark strands float on the surface of the water before running her fingers through them again in the same manner.

“I’m not perfect anymore.” Azula stammers.

Ty Lee kisses her scalp. “Does it matter?”

Azula pushes the smaller girl off and looks away. “You… you can have anyone in the world, Ty Lee. Why does it have to be me?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“… it’s not me. It shouldn’t be me.” Azula says in a calm voice. She stands up and steps out of the water.

Ty Lee is left in the pool. She looks up at the princess, confused, but more so concerned. “What…?”

“It’s not me.” Azula repeats lowly.

Ty Lee stands straight up. The sudden movement shoots blood up her brain, but she pushes the feeling of dizziness away. “Wait, Azula! W-Why—”

“This isn’t what you want.”

She doesn’t know how to respond. She doesn’t deal with this often— _at all,_ actually. To put up with Azula, it’s… _it’s—_

“What gives you the right…?” Ty Lee says with gritted teeth. And then she raises her voice, “What gives you the right to decide what _I_ want?!” She runs and grabs her wrist, “Azula!”

Azula doesn’t move.

“Answer me, please,” Ty Lee begs with a shaking voice, “I-I don’t care about you not being perfect, I just—”

“I do.” Azula does not spare her a glance. “I care. And nobody wants something so broken.”

Ty Lee doesn’t want to argue on. She doesn’t have the strength to. Being with Azula is _tiring,_ but—“I don’t care. What I want is… it’s…” she rests her forehead on the back of the princess’ shoulder. “I want this. _You._ I really, really do. So much that it hurts.”

Silence.

“Azula…” Ty Lee lets the tears fall as she wraps her arms around the princess. “I want to tall asleep with you, every night.” Each word she speaks, she feels her heart wearing thinner and thinner, “… I want to watch you firebend. I’ve always loved watching you firebend. I’ve always loved your fire, not because it’s blue, but because it’s so much brighter than normal fire. Azula—”

It’s like speaking with such honesty is draining the blood out of her. Somewhere at the back of her head, a voice is telling her that lying is perhaps easier.

“—please, just… just give me what I want.” She’s trembling. The cold must be getting to her, but she barely cares. She’s too busy sobbing. “Just once… give me…”

When Azula pushes her arms off, it’s like time is frozen.

Ty Lee knows her heart has stopped the moment Azula turned around to face her. The princess brushes Ty Lee’s soaked and messy bangs away from her eyes, and then she frames her face. Azula gives her a sad smile.

“No…” Ty Lee breathes, tears falling freely from her grey eyes as she shakes her head.

Azula kisses the shorter girl’s forehead. “You deserve better.”

.  
.

“… You do,” Mai says. “First time I agree with her.”

The two of them are sitting in the palace courtyard under the night sky. It’s after dinner, and the two friends are enjoying the company of each other whilst reminiscing about nothing in particular.

Ty Lee does not answer. She looks to the side, watching the pink petals of the cherry blossoms fall gently onto the grass. The lack of lighting makes the grass appear deep green, but the cherry blossoms are still very clearly pink. They fall, light and soft, like snowflakes. It’s beautiful.

The Fire Lady sighs. Her signature sigh. She taps the edge of her teacup with her thumb and brushes it gently. “Isn’t this depressing?” She stands from her seat and rests a hand on the acrobat’s shoulder. “Falling for someone like her.”

Ty Lee avoids the Fire Lady’s eyes. She pretends she doesn’t hear.

Mai almost winces at the lack of response. Bubbly, optimistic Ty Lee who’s into auras and fortune telling and the spreading of good will has become so quiet. So lifeless.

She looks into the dark sky and lets out one more sigh before glancing down at the acrobat again. “I hate that I’m even caring.”

…

Mai is gone, and Ty Lee is by herself.

She, too, looks into the sky.

There are no stars today. Just a plain, black sky.

.  
.

A few weeks later, a banquet is hosted at the palace.

It’s an annual thing. Zuko has been doing this for the past five years, apparently. Ty Lee wouldn’t know—she just recently retired from Kyoshi Island as one of their warriors.

All the important figures of the Fire Nation are invited, and according to the Fire Lord, it is a way to “strengthen the bonds between his most trusted people”. Ty lee admittedly doesn’t understand how it really works, and when she asks the Fire Lady, she only replies monotonously that “it’s pointless”, but Ty Lee thinks it’s kind of neat. Neat as in, Zuko is willingly hosting parties. Maybe Aang influenced him somehow?

She finds joy in talking with the soldiers, generals, commanders and whatnot, seeing how they all give her so much attention. It doesn’t hurt. She needs to get her mind off a few things anyway.

_Well, just one thing, really._

But she can’t shake the feeling that what she’s doing isn’t right.

Then, one of them who has been following her the entire night, who offers to get her drinks, who tells funny jokes— _whom she thinks is very much inebriated—_ leans forward and tries to kiss her.

Ty Lee nervously pulls away, wrapping her arms around herself. She fakes a chuckle and tells the gentleman that she wants another drink. When he kindly excuses himself to fetch her one, Ty Lee runs out of the room.

The giant crimson doors shut behind her, and she is alone in the gloomy, hollow corridor. She looks ahead and sees nothing but darkness.

She treads forward, head down and shoulders drooped.

…

Before she knows it, she finds herself standing in front of Azula’s chambers. Just as always, she doesn’t knock. Ty Lee knows that she doesn’t have to. She pushes the door open and makes her way to the balcony, where the princess is leaning on the railing and looking up at the night sky.

Ty Lee sees it now—the princess’ figure is so small. She’s so tiny. It makes her heart clench.

She walks forward. Ty Lee doesn’t know if the princess knows or cares that she’s approaching, but when she is close enough, she wraps her arms around the princess’ waist.

“Why are you here?” Azula asks immediately.

Ty Lee plants a small kiss on the back of her neck. “Because I wanted to see you.”

The princess doesn’t say anything.

Ty Lee sighs. She rests her chin on Azula’s shoulder and catches in her peripherals that the princess is staring, completely _absorbed_ by the sky above.

It doesn’t take long for her to know why Azula’s so captivated.

Yes, she knows there are stars tonight. But she doesn’t notice, has _never_ seen stars in such an enthralling amount. They run in a river across the black sky. It’s like another galaxy is right there, within the sky’s limit. Like they’re merely miles away. So many are dotted on the black canvas—as if they are scattered diamond dust.

“It’s so beautiful,” Ty Lee snuggles closer.

Azula doesn’t speak.

So Ty Lee does. “You’re not perfect, Azula, we both know that,” she takes a deep breath, inhaling the faint fragrance of jasmine and rose from the princess. “But maybe it’s because you’re so imperfect; maybe it’s because you’re so flawed, so human, and so broken. That’s why I want to be with you.”

Still, the princess remains quiet.

But Ty Lee can feel it.

Azula’s body relaxes. Ty Lee can even see the stars reflecting in her golden eyes. There is light in them, and it’s enough to bring a smile— _a genuine smile—_ to her face. Ty Lee turns to kiss the princess’ neck.

Azula sighs. “Being with me will hurt.”

“We can get hurt together,” Ty Lee says easily. “Share the load.”

“You don’t have to do this. I… I already said that you can have anyone, but you’re still—”

“This guy tried to hit on me at the party just a little while ago,” Ty Lee interrupts.

Azula stiffens.

She chuckles. “He was very handsome, kind, funny, and was such a gentleman, even though he was a bit tipsy. You can say that he’s the ideal guy for me.”

“…”

Ty Lee shrugs. “Yet, here I am,” she closes her eyes. A hand moves up to rest on Azula’s chest, and she feels for her heartbeat, “With the most beautiful, the less-than-perfect, and the most not-so-intelligent girl in all of Fire Nation.”

Azula turns a little, her expression unreadable. But it’s like she’s kind of offended. “ _Not-so-intelligent…_?”

Ty Lee laughs but adds quickly, “You’re stubborn. That deducts a lot of intelligence points.”

The princess raises a brow.

“What I’m saying is, I’m not obligated to be with you, Azula. Zuko and Mai aren’t paying me. This isn’t a Kyoshi Warrior mission or anything. I told you; I just _want_ to.” When the princess doesn’t respond, Ty Lee continues, “Falling asleep with you. Waking up beside you. Watching you firebend. Just… being by your side. I’m not asking for too much, am I?”

“…”

There is a moment of silence, and then—

“On paper, you are.” Azula says quietly. “Anything else? You might as well list everything.”

There is this indescribable warmth that fills Ty Lee’s chest when the princess responds. Just… Azula is talking. She’s _reacting._ Ty Lee is suddenly overwhelmed with the need to say the things she’s always wanted to say to her, no matter how ridiculous. “I also want to hold your hand. I want to hug you. I want to kiss you whenever you space out so you’d always look at me. I want to throw all your red lipsticks away because you look way prettier without them. I want to travel the world. I want to discover the best cuisines. I want to go back to Ember Island. And I…” she pauses and looks back up into the sky to search for ideas. And then a random thought comes to her—“I also want one of those stars.”

Azula’s face is straight, but she replies, “… Is that all?”

Ty Lee nods. “All that I can think of for now.”

The princess rolls her eyes. She takes Ty Lee’s hands into her own and rests her palms on the back of the latter’s smaller hands, shaping them into a form that almost seems as ifi they are holding an invisible kuai ball together.

Ty Lee looks up at the princess, confused. “Azula, what are you…?” but she cuts herself off. Azula looks… _calm._ Ty Lee feels the coldness of the princess’ hands slowly recede. A comfortable warmth envelops the back of her hands, and Ty Lee’s eyes widen when she sees a spark—a tiny but bright, _bright_ orb of white light forms at the centre of the empty space between her hands.

It’s the brightest, most delicate object that Ty Lee’s ever seen.

“This is the best I can do for now,” Azula says, her hands still holding onto the acrobat’s. She shrugs. “A star requires more elements than fire. Plus, I don’t want to cause a supernova here, followed by a mini blackhole.”

Ty lee stares at the princess, eyes wide. “Is this… is this for me?”

Azula shrugs again. “You said you wanted it,” she trails off, and then looks up at Ty Lee, uncertain. “… Is it okay?”

By now, tears are running down her cheeks but she feels herself smiling. She is smiling so hard her muscles hurt.

“It’s okay,” she finally answers, sniffling.

Azula feels herself relax. “Why are you crying?” she asks softly.

Ty Lee wants to wipe the tears off her face, but she doesn’t want to let go of the star. She doesn’t want Azula to let go. She doesn’t want to let go of Azula’s first present for her. A present that she didn’t really mean to receive, but received anyway because Azula listened and Azula _tried._

For her.

Ty Lee grins wider. “M-my heart is beating so fast,” she laughs and her voice cracks. “It feels kind of funny.”

Azula breathes out. With every blink, her golden eyes sparkle more brightly alongside the star in their hands, and then the corner of her lips arch slightly.

“It does.”

.  
.

 _ **fin**_  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering where you've seen this before, it was on ff.net. Once again, I've lost my account and so I'm reposting everything on ao3. I changed the ending a bit for this version because why tf not. Hope you enjoyed it!


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